Pain

"PAIN"

What exactly is pain to me??? Well honestly I don't have a strong affirmative

answer to that question. I know that pain is some type of feeling. Pain comes in

all sorts of ways, size, and shapes but what type of pain am I feeling? I

honestly don't have a clue. I can relate pain with the word hurt they go hand in

hand but in my mind I set myself to believe that I don't know what that means.

The words pain and hurt are just too similar in the way if defining them. I know

that there is physical and mentally pain. I know for a fact that I'm not

physically in pain. No one has ever put their hands on me at a point where I

felt it. I haven't been wrapped I have never been physically abused so I know

that I don't suffer any physical pain. So is the pain that I feel mentally

pain?? Sometime I wish it was physical pain to try to decide which one hurts

less. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm confused, lost,

disappointed, angry and frustrated. I hold too many feelings at a time. No I am

not bipolar. I use to be different. I was always happy. I use to enjoy getting

up every morning. I would be the happiest one around all hyper and a very jumpy

person. I use to be the person that would want to make people laugh if they were

sad. But now that person is gone and oh how I wish that person was back.

I'm confused because knowing the mistakes that I am making I won't stop. It's

like deep inside I like it. I like the bad things that I’m doing but then after

a while I feel bad because I realized that I shouldn't have done it. I should

know what's wrong from right but there I am choosing the wrong things. Making

decisions is very hard. When I’m alone and I actually think about the things

I’ve done I ask myself why do I do them? Is it a way out of my troubles or am I

just a bad person? I ask myself so many questions but I answer none.

I'm lost because my mind is everywhere. I don't know what I want anymore I don't

know why exactly I do the...